Dear reader/non reader/ myself,
This blog is Johanna's torn and messy soul. I can hear the surpressed sound of my parents shouting underneath me. I don't get to accomplish things. My mother is deeply decieved because I have not been into a church for the past three weeks. This blog is Johanna's opportunity she does not use. I know that the short term aversion (indeed long term estrangement) against my parents makes me sit in my room and do my work. Work I know I could have been doing a month ago. This blog is a big tear in the pacific ocean, a shout during a soccer match. I am lazy and addicted to high profile pleasure. This blog is Johanna's attempt to be like so many other internet writers, she's admiring and constantly appreciating.
I always admire.
My mom laughed.
I admire.
I like looking at others' work while I forget doing mine.
Two weeks ago a student friend asked me if I wanted to move to a flat-sharing community with her. This blog is Johanna's attempt of moving up to another scale. 6 days ago I rejected the offer. I always wanted to move away. I am lazy. Once I was alone in Berlin for two weeks. It was one of the best times I had in my entire life. I want to move away but what about the money? I am afraid I am going to need it later. I want to study abroad. I want to earn money. My mother says "it's going to be tough to do the whole organizational process of job application. And besides: Always be aware of that you cannot earn more then (insert correct amount of monthly fee here) or otherwise we won't be given the children fee for you any more". This blog is my mother's anxiety. I've yet to apply for a job at the video store.I do not fullfill my goals. This blog is Johanna's angst. I've yet to apply for a job at my local newspaper. My parents are old. My cousins are old. My brothers are old. My aunts are around my friends' grandparents' age. (I never got to know my grandparents. Only get to visit their grave a couple of times a year.) My brothers are pretty old. Justus Jonas, Peter Shaw and Bob Andrews are indeed over forty. This blog is Johanna's insanity. Steven Spielberg is getting 60. Harrison Ford is 63 and his skin slowly starts realizing that. Oliver Stone is old. Robert Altman is that old, he's not even allowed to shoot his own movies on his own anymore.
I am getting 20 this march.
This blog is Johanna's self pity. The world is very old. Aint it cool news is having it's 10th anniversary this year. This blog is the proof for the fact that I am wasting my time with seemingly unimportant information. Raiders of the Lost Ark I getting 25. This blog is Johanna's uncertainty if it is ok or not to refer to all those things in the same context. This blog is Johanna's uncertainty.
